Sunday, November 28, 2010

ferry back
(guangzhou, september 2009)

if you read nothing else today, this week, this month,
read THIS.
every. last. word.

long ago i said: all the voices of adult adoptees are the voice of my daughter,
and if i didn't treat them as such, what a grave disservice i do
not only to her, but also to them.

meet others where they are.
put your preconceived notions and judgments on the shelf.
it's not difficult.
it's simple.


  1. I've been reading the words of adult adoptees for over three years now, and that post made my top ten.

  2. I read this article early this morning. It is wonderful. I try very hard to listen to the voice of adult adoptees - even if what they have to say is sometimes hard to hear or understand. I love that the author of this article makes every accountable for being civil and respectful - adoptive parents, adoptees and first parents.

    I will say one thing though. There are a couple of blogs that I have come across lately (adult adoptee blogs in particular) that are down right vicious. Believe me - I approach them with an open mind when I go to them. And I try to read them, I really do. Some contain name calling and extremely nasty commentary. I personally find it difficult to hear, listen to and/or sympathize with anyone that is being that overtly and intentionally insulting and cruel. I wish I could get past it, but I guess I am just too sensitive. If a blog is too particularly vicious, I have a hard time going back to it. :(

  3. Yeah, that's a good one. I posted about it too.

  4. In a perfect world, each child would be born, perfect and whole, to two perfect parents who had the love and capacity to parent that perfect child and their equally perfect siblings and bring them up to be perfect and whole adults. And there would be no adoption.

    But we don't live in a perfect world, we live in this broken world. And things fall apart, and children need families, and we learn about the beauty in the brokenness, and we do the imperfect best we can.

    Anyone who can give me an insight into my daughters' thought processes, both now and in the future, is to be welcomed. I'm going to make mistakes - and so are my girls, because we're none of us perfect. There's going to be hurt and sorrow as well as love and forgiveness. And the voices of adult adoptees, adults with disabilities, the more experienced adoptive parents, and the more experienced parents in general are all welcome. I do however reserve the right to listen and then file for future reference some comments; if I changed what I do every time someone criticised we would be blown about in the wind and never grow family roots. Doesn't mean the comments are unheard or ignored though.


  5. Tia said it beautifully and I agree with you 100%, all adoptee voices are my children's voices. I will never stop reading or listening to the voices of adoptees. Their experiences and pain to a degree will be my children's experiences and pain. I don't need to read ladybugs and rainbows packaged neatly in religious explanations.