2nd grade came to a close in early June, 3 years with Mrs. S, sad good-byes, the promise of summer and late bed times. I missed the end of year play, no less. The oppressive heat has settled in like an *unwanted* warm blanket, almost suffocating. The sounds of mockingbirds singing alone at night, the cardinals perched on our bird feeder, sunsets, sleeping in, lazy days. No vacations, they aren't possible now. Surgery on the horizon, again, for my Goose. Long talks about her favorite tv show (Beyblade), the length of life, what the year 3000 will look like, China parents, and wishing for a sister or the ability to walk. Coloring together, seeing movies, giggling. A lot. Some tears too as she grieves those 3 years in her class. Anxiety mounts as the new school year inches ever closer. She's outgrowing her chair. Hair is longer by the minute but never long enough for her ;) Hiro sleeps and snores and barks and bites his leash, happily devours the rainbow loom bands that easily find their way to the floor. Play dates. New friends. Dinners next door and dinners out. G and I working on this new relationship-as friends. Single parenthood simultaneously challenging in a way that equals pure exhaustion, but somehow equally as rewarding. Weight gain year after year. No time for anything but laundry, cleaning, yard work, job, a measure of sleep... oh, and the giggling, coloring, snuggling, talking. Short visits with family. Dad survives a massive heart attack. We dream of distant lands. A trip to China. Or Texas. Anywhere outside of the state we are in... meanwhile, day trips to the ocean or a new city, museums, parks. Staycations and swimming. Incredible thunderstorms. More doctor visits than a little girl can count. Life is hard. Life is also and always so good.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
“How did it get so late so soon?”
― Dr. Seuss
It's like glimpsing too far into the future, the "baby" that came to me so rapidly changing before my very eyes. It is difficult to witness time in this way, and not feel overwhelmed with a combination of grief and abundant joy, both at once.
Posted by kitchu at 10:09 AM
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Wherever you are when you receive this letter
I write to say we are still ourselves
In the same place
And hope you are the same.
The dead have died as you know
And will never get better,
And the children are boys and girls
Of their several ages and names.
So in closing I send you our love
And hope to hear from you soon.
There is never a time
Like the present. It lasts forever
Wherever you are. As ever I remain.
(The Christmas Letter, John N. Morris)
Posted by kitchu at 10:23 AM
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Posted by kitchu at 7:17 PM
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch
a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway
into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.
Posted by kitchu at 4:05 PM
Saturday, September 28, 2013
spinal defects clinic: in which we meet with E's specialists from ortho to neuro and everything in between.
Last night in this house.
E: I don't like my legs.
M: You don't like your legs?
E: No. I want normal legs (tears begin). I don't want these legs. I don't like the scars Mama and they don't go straight and one is longer than the other one. I just wish I could have legs that looked the same and so I can walk. I don't like crawling.
M: (long silence, hugs). I wish you could have the exact legs you wanted Elle. But I have to tell you how very much I love your legs. Those scars remind me all the time of how brave and strong you are, so I love those scars. And you have strongest arms ever which give the best hugs I've ever had, so I love your arms too.
E: Well I don't. My hands hurt and I don't want to crawl, I want to walk. But I never will.
M: Maybe never. But we don't know what your future will be like yet. I hope you have a chance to stand and not sit all the time too. I wish I could sprinkle magic glitter over your legs, and make it possible for you to use them like your friends. But I still think they are the coolest legs because they belong to the coolest girl I know, who does amazing things not using her legs. Things no one else would be able to do- and that is really awesome. (More silence, hugs, and tears).
Spinal Defects clinic is tough in ways that go so far beyond the physical.
Posted by kitchu at 6:07 PM