Thursday, June 30, 2011

**the sun came up with its conclusions

my boober do

he is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. you are his life, his love, his leader.
he will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
you owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
~unknown~

yes. he who has been my best friend, my boy, my companion, my confidante, and my rock. to honor him and let him go with dignity and without suffering is the last and best gift i can give him, even though it comes at the cost of my own heart that is being torn from my chest. it is worth this- all of this, to have had every single day with him these last seven and a half years. even if i am not ready (i can't do this, i hear the words escape from my lips sobbing into G's chest tonight)- i can't do this!- but i can do this, for him. i put on my armor, and i will pocket my tears for the next seven days as we look to our last week together- me and my boy. his body tired and working too hard now to breath against those tumors in his chest.

what a blessing he is- my GOD what a blessing he is. soon i will wake up to his memory and thousands of photographs and he won't snore beside me and he won't lick my face any longer or greet me (............no..........) at the door. he won't greet me at the door, as he has every single night i've come home from work.

this is enough for now. look at that face! oh i wish you had met him, every one of you reading this page! and those kissable lips and that huggable body. why am i sitting here, typing into this void that will never be filled? he's in the other room, waiting for me. it's our time now. now! yes. yes yes yes. damn it.

**7/1/2011: a rough night... too rough and it took more than a couple hours for Ransom to be able to fall asleep. so, today we will say good-bye.

thank you for being here and for your kind words of encouragement and support. it is impossible to put into words the magnitude of what lies before us- but it is time for rest, for him- and to spend these last hours in his presence.

plus, he's asked for bacon and eggs for breakfast. it's only 5:45 AM, but he didn't get a lot of sleep and he's feeling for a smackerel of something good to eat. that's my buddy. that's my boy.
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23 comments:

  1. ~Kristen June 30, 2011 at 5:04 PM

    HUGS my friend... I'm sorry you have to make this decision. I wish I had met your adorable buddy.
    xoxo

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  2. VJune 30, 2011 at 5:29 PM

    it's the most dificult decision but we must give them an easy end, I did it 1 year ago and I still feel bad but I felt a lot worse seeing my dog suffering, I miss her, I want her back, she was my best friend for 13 years.
    Enjoy this last week, kiss and hug him as much as you can and keep strong!

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  3. Briana's MomJune 30, 2011 at 5:38 PM

    My heart breaks for you. Both of you. :(

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  4. GlindaJune 30, 2011 at 5:39 PM

    I wish you peace, dear friend. Peace in knowing you gave this gentle soul a beautiful life. It's difficult, but it will come, I know this because I have walked in your tear-stained shoes.

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  5. AnonymousJune 30, 2011 at 5:47 PM

    Oh how I feel your pain. I lost my little buddy almost 3 weeks ago to cancer and oh how I miss him. My heart goes out to you. May God be with you and Ransom. God Bless Kathy

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  6. comingaroundagainJune 30, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    So sorry. . . such a great companion through all those times.

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  7. TracyJune 30, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Blessings to you Kris. Your stories of your trusted friend struck a chord with me many times.

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  8. KristaJune 30, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    I just wish there was something to say to comfort you. But there's not. Just know that a lot of people are thinking of you both and holding you in our hearts, shedding tears along with you. I wish I could give you a hug. :(

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  9. oldgreymareJune 30, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    Oh dear, oh dear oh dear oh dear...oh Ransom.....
    hugs..big ones
    xxx
    z

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  10. KayceJune 30, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    All I've got right now for you my friend is a hug. I know your pain well...enjoy these last days and hours.

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  11. Sandra & SteveJune 30, 2011 at 9:51 PM

    You are his forever. All he has known is love because of his time with you. He has been treasured. A gift both given and received. I am sorry for your pain. Take some little comfort in that it is a burden your sweet Ransom will not bear. Hug.

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  12. MarieJuly 1, 2011 at 4:07 AM

    I am so sorry that you are going through this with your dear friend. I have not had to do this for the last seven years (I had to say goodbye to my 16-year-old cat Sophie in March 2004 - I still miss her, and my youngest daughter who came from China in '06 is named Sophia!). I know how much it hurts.

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  13. MichelleJuly 1, 2011 at 4:08 AM

    K - I am so sorry. Saying good-bye to your best friend is SO so very hard. Know that he loves you as much as you love him and he will always be with you. I am crying because although it has been almost 3 years after losing my TigerLily, it still breaks my heart that anyone has to go through this pain. {{{Hugs}}}

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  14. KarJuly 1, 2011 at 4:21 AM

    You gave him a life completely FILLED with love and devotion and he returned this 10-fold. He is truly irreplacible and will forever and always liv strong in our hearts. He has so bravely fought these last several months, and you are so right, we owe it to him to be strong for him. He is passing to another world, restored to COMPLETE health and will patiently wait for that sweet reunion. Peace be with you sweet man.......you are and always will be the best of the best. I love you Lean To with all my heart. Jesus is about to get his feet washed ;-) !!!! Holding you tight Kitchu!!!!

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  15. dawnJuly 1, 2011 at 4:24 AM

    Oh i can't imagine. i never had the pleasure and this post is breaking my heart. Sleep well little man, good night, You will be missed.
    xoxo

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  16. Jennifer G.July 1, 2011 at 6:49 AM

    Never had the honor of meeting him but my heart feels your sadness . . . prayers for you and your family. You will feel those kisses again one day - until then hold on to the memories!!

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  17. A Beautiful MessJuly 1, 2011 at 7:40 AM

    xo

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  18. shelleyJuly 1, 2011 at 8:00 AM

    My heart is physically breaking for you right now. Brings back unbearable memories of when I put my girl down. Hardest/easiest decision of my life. To be able to end suffering is a wonderful gift you are giving him. He will be such a wonderful playmate for my girl....she is waiting for him at the gate. I am so sorry my friend....please allow the healing to begin WHEN YOU ARE READY....he was part of your soul...it will take time. I will continue to remember your sweet family in my prayers.

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  19. Kristine on the West CoastJuly 1, 2011 at 9:48 AM

    It is so hard to let them go when we love them SO MUCH. We went through this a couple of months ago and even tho it was for the best, it was HARD. Will be thinking of you.

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  20. AllisonJuly 1, 2011 at 10:54 AM

    I have no words K. Just sitting here sobbing... I am praying for you to have the strength you need for your boy today. Ransom will be in your heart always. He is, after all, one of your greatest loves of all time. Praying for you... (((HUGS)))

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  21. juliebJuly 1, 2011 at 11:19 AM

    I am so so sorry. We went through this a year ago. Hugs to all of you.

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  22. CynthiaJuly 1, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    Oh Sweet Girl, my heart breaks for you. I have a "Ransom" of my own and I often think about "when" and I just can fathom it.

    I wish I could be there and hug you myself. I will pray that God gives you sweet peace right now.

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  23. MicheleJuly 2, 2011 at 5:13 AM

    I wish I could have met him too. He was truly an angel in your life. Many hugs to you and hope that you can find your way through your grief to some place of peace.

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