happy halloween!

and that is what she said at every single door! what a difference a year makes... our first year (2009), she just came along for the ride... she was clueless but had fun with her cousins. 2nd year was right here in our neighborhood and she looked on in fascination without saying a word, but freely accepted the candy sitting in the wagon with Ransom. this year? we could barely keep up with her as she whizzed around in her chair, eager to get from one house to the next and exclaim: "happy halloween!" every time a door was opened to her :) such a sweetie. mom was sad she forgot to put on her pink collar and bell darn it!

was such a great night. can't wait to see what next year brings. and i have to say, the white ears and white tail were a hit!

eight

today you would have turned 8. and some days, my heart aches in its deepest recesses, in places i didn't know existed, missing you. who knew a dog could be this much a part of your life, a true and best friend... a brother of your soul. i wish my hands could find your ears again and my lips that soft place on your cheek. i miss our hugs Mister Man. i thought we would celebrate this day together, funny hats and all.

i love you from where i am to who you are...
(everything to me)

damn it i am cute. don't fight it.

stand in the place where you are

i am certain there is nothing in the world that compares to seeing your daughter truly stand for the first time. most parents have video and photos of those first moments their child takes their first steps or toddles their way along a coffee table for support. E is almost 6 years old and i can tell you that there is nothing like the feeling of being beside her, seeing her standing for the first time. and realizing how tall she actually is, where her head comes up to me, just barely above my hip, by the way- (giving her an inch for the stander, of course)... to hold her hand with her right there next to me, no wheels to keep us at arms length. it was all i could do to keep myself from bursting into those happy sobs. not because i need her upright or want her to be any different than exactly who she is, as she is. only because it made us both exceedingly glad. only because of the possibilities it could open up for her. only because of the necessity of standing and being out of a sitting position for her heath. what this could do for her hips, her back, her heart, her joints. and for her love of the KITCHEN! :)

you should have seen her face when she got a look at herself in the full length mirror. priceless. PRICELESS. these are the best days in therapy. the very best.

us lately

(pentax k1000, kodak max 400, film)

all before mom got sick, that is!
hope you all have had a great week, here's to hoping
the weekend brings some healing my way!

a chance meeting

This morning we decided to go for a walk since the weather is absolutely beautiful. Not a cloud in the sky, breezy, and 80 degrees. We were just coming out of our cul-de-sac when one of our neighbors came running out of her house, waving hello and saying "Oh can you wait one minute I have something for you I've been meaning to give you for almost a year!"... I knew. I just knew. I was fighting the tears.

She came out with a small envelope. 2 photographs. I remembered she had taken pictures of us at Halloween last year, just 3.5 weeks after Ransom's official diagnosis. She had the only photograph of the four of us together. I had completely forgotten. I thanked her over and over, a blubbering idiot. She asked for my email so she could send them to me.

He was such an old soul, my boy. That is the real difference between Hiro and Ransom. I don't know why he was skittish, what happened to him that caused that, or what was in his genetic makeup to cause that- but I look at his eyes and I see it, and I remember it from our time together. His quiet reserve, his rock solid shoulders that carried me- and still do.

Today marks 3 months since we said good-bye to this hero. October 8th marks a year since he was diagnosed with cancer. What a brave little man you were Mister. I can't wait for that day we meet again.

Until then. Until then.